Who Should Host a Shower?

Traditionally, the Honor Attendant and the bridesmaids host a shower. Showers may also be thrown by other friends, family, or co-workers. In some families, the mother or a close family member of the bride or groom is responsible for throwing the shower, while in other circles this is strictly frowned upon. In most cases, it is best to avoid having too many showers. They can tend to crowd in on one another, and may even seem a burden in the rush of the last weeks before the wedding. It is also expensive for attendants to give gifts at many different parties. One, two, or three should be sufficient. If more than that number are proposed, try to get the hosts together to combine the showers.

When Should a Shower Be Thrown?

Showers are generally held a month or so before the wedding day, and not closer than two weeks before the day. By that time, a finalized wedding guest list should have been completed. Only people who have been invited to the wedding should be invited to showers. Showers are traditionally all-female affairs, usually an afternoon lunch or tea. Another alternative is a couple's shower, where both the bride and groom are invited, and the guests are couples as well. These are usually held at night, and are more like regular parties, but with gifts.

Setting a Date

Although the shower itself should be held a month or two before the wedding date, plans should be made far in advance of that. First set a date convenient for the bride (and groom), then the attendants. Trying to coordinate that many schedules may be difficult.

The Guest List

These guests should be invited to every shower: bride, attendants, mothers of the bride and groom, mothers of any junior attendants, and immediate family of the bride and groom, such as sisters, sisters-in-law, and nieces. Other than these, no one should be invited to more than one shower. The only time the entire bridal party may not be included would be if co-workers threw a shower, and invited only the bride (or groom) and other co-workers.

Who to Invite

There are different types of showers. A family shower may include aunts, cousins, and grandparents of both the bride and groom. Another shower may be held for close friends of the bride and groom. One may be thrown by co-workers. Guests should be invited to the shower where they will feel the most comfortable and know the most other guests. You should avoid inviting out-of-town guests if you know they will be unable to attend. They may see it as simply asking for a gift.

Setting a Budget

Before the planning is complete, take a long look at finances. Estimate how much the food, beverages, decorations, games, and gift for the bride are going to cost. Overestimate the amount you will spend on food. Do you have to rent equipment, serving pieces, furniture? Are you going to have the party at home, or at a party house or restaurant? Include invitations and postage.

Budget Tips

Here are some helpful hints that may help you save some money.

• Consider asking someone else to co-host (even have the entire bridal party throw one shower together).
• Change the scale of the party. You can invite fewer guests, or have a less lavish party. Try a cocktail party or afternoon tea.
• Have the party at home, or at a friend's house.
• Keep costs low by borrowing items, rather than renting them. Ask friends to help serve, rather than hiring waitresses, bartenders, etc.
• Prepare the food yourself, rather than having it catered.
• Instead of alcohol and mixers, serve fruit punch and wine.
• Use whatever is readily available and inexpensive for decorations. Do you grow roses? Use these in arrangements. Balloons and streamers have the attributes of being both festive and inexpensive.

Type of Shower

The type of shower will determine the time of the day it will be held. Some factors to think about are: Will it be men and women? How lavish will the party be? How much do you have in your budget? Once you've answered these questions, you can decide on a type.

Brunch:
Usually on a weekend morning, held late in the morning until early afternoon. There is a full meal served, either buffet or sit-down. This can be for all women, or men and women.

Luncheon:
This is the most common type of ladies-only shower. It usually is held on a weekend, beginning at noon or one pm. It lasts until the late afternoon. There is a full meal served.

Afternoon Tea:
This is definitely for an all-women shower. Tea and its accompaniments are served. It usually is held between 2 pm and 5 pm.

Cocktail party:
This is perfect for a co-ed group. Cocktails are served between 4 and 7 pm. You can be as elaborate or as simple you want with food.

Dinner party:
This can be held for ladies, or for couples. The dinner party can range from an informal buffet to an elegant sit-down dinner. It usually begins anytime between 5 pm and 7 pm.

Dessert party:
An afternoon party for the ladies, or an evening party for couples, a dessert party can be an inexpensive way of having a lot of fun.

Location

The shower may be held in a home, or at a restaurant or party house. The number of guests you plan on inviting may determine what is feasible. Consider the time of year, your budget, and the type of party you wish to have.

Shower for the Second-Time Bride

This is appropriate, but should not be as lavish as a shower for a first-time bride. Since the second bride usually has most of her household items, it is more of a celebration, with smaller, more personal gifts given.

Invitations

Written invitations should be issued to every guest invited, including the bride. She may wish to keep her invitation as a memento. Information to be included on the invitation: date, time, and location of the shower. Include a map to the site, if all guests are not familiar with it. The bride's name should be included, as well as the hostess's name, address, and telephone number. You may either wish to include a list of the bride¹s preferences in gifts, or a list of where the bride is registered. RSVP should be written if you want all guests to notify you if they will be attending. "Regrets Only" means that they should only call if they aren¹t coming, otherwise you will expect them. Make sure you mail the invitations about three weeks prior to the shower, so that guests can arrange their schedules and have a chance to shop for gifts.

Themes

Some people prefer to have a theme to the shower. If so, this should be noted on the invitation. Themes can differentiate between showers if there is more than one held.Some popular themes for showers are:

• Lingerie; where all gifts include intimate apparel.
• Personal; which should include things like favorite cosmetics, bubble baths, or jewelry.
• Kitchen; including any number of kitchen gadgets, appliances, etc.
• Recipe; where every guest brings a favorite recipe and any cookware needed for it.
• Tableware; where guests purchase the china and glassware the bride has registered for. This might be more common with an older bride, who has her everyday tableware and kitchen goods.
• Plants; where each gift is a plant.
• Recreation; such as music gifts, or gifts for any particular hobby of the bridal couple's.
• Holiday; all gifts may center on a holiday, such as Christmas.

Food at the Shower

There may be light refreshments or munchies, or an entire meal, depending upon the time of the party. The food can reflect the theme of the party. If it is a recipe shower, you may wish to use some of the recipes provided by other guests. You may prepare all the food yourself, or have it catered. The food should reflect that the shower is a party, and be something special. Look for recipes that can be prepared ahead of time, and simply baked the day of the shower. Another thing to keep in mind are the guests' tastes. Are there any dietary restrictions you are aware of? While you may love very spicy ethnic food, all of your guests may not. Try to strike a balance, or provide enough variety to suit everyone's tastes. Overestimate the amount of food you will need. If the recipe says it serves eight, and you're serving sixteen, triple rather than double it. It's far better to have too much food than to run out.

Decorations

These should be festive and fun, and may be used to set the theme of the party. You may use favors, balloons, or streamers. It is traditional to give corsages to the bride¹s and groom's mothers, and to the bride. Flowers and plants around the rooms can also help to set the mood. The decorations can reflect the colors the bride has chosen for the wedding. And to make the party as elegant as possible, if you are having a small group, use your linens and good china, rather than paper plates.

Activities and Games

Party games can help break the ice, especially if the guests don't know each other well. Some suggestions are paper and pencil games, question and answer games, or some other group activity. If you have games, you should also provide some favors or prizes to the winners. Select useful prizes, in keeping with the party's theme.

Gifts

All guests are expected to bring a gift, or combine for a gift with other shower attendees. They are expected to bring a separate gift to the wedding. Shower gifts are generally smaller (less expensive) gifts than wedding gifts. Guests who do not attend the shower are not obligated to send a gift.

Gifts from Bridal Party Attendants

If your attendants are invited to many showers, the cost of purchasing that many gifts may become exorbitant. Some suggestions you can make to them are: They buy you a gift in parts, such as a set of luggage with five pieces. Then at each shower you can open one piece. Or, at each shower, you can mention the lovely gift your attendants gave you.

Opening the Gifts

The bride should be seated in a prominent place, where all guests can easily see what she is opening up. In all the excitement and confusion of opening many gifts, it's too easy to misplace a card. Ask a friend to keep a list of every gift and the giver, as you open it. Ribbons from each gift are saved, and attached to a paper plate to form a bouquet. This can be used at the rehearsal. At some showers, as a joke, a friend also makes a note of the bride's first comment about each gift. These are read back at the end of the shower as the bride's first words on her honeymoon.

Schedule of the Shower

Most showers run on approximately the same format:

• The bride should arrive about a half-hour before the event, to help the hostess with any last-minute preparations.
• She should help to greet guests, making any necessary introductions.
• After a short time for chatting and getting acquainted, the hostess may want to start some games or activities.
Either
• Refreshments are served, and the bride opens her presents, announcing her thanks to each person for the gift,
Or
• The bride opens her gifts, and then the refreshments are served.

Keep the Party Rolling

Try to schedule activities which will keep guests interested and interacting. It may be more fun to plan on verbal games, rather than written games, where guests don't interact as much. Make it fun-the games should be a pleasure, not a competition. Stick to the schedule you have planned, moving on to the next stage when guests seem to be tiring, but be flexible. If they are all engaged in a lively conversation, perhaps skipping games would be the best plan.

Thank You Notes

Written thank you notes should be sent to the giver of every gift. Oral thank you's when gifts are opened are not sufficient. The host or hosts of the shower should also be acknowledged with a thank you note. A small gift of appreciation would also be in keeping.

Checklist

Three to four months before the wedding:

• Set time and date with the bride (and groom).
• Decide on a guest list. The bride should supply names, addresses, and phone numbers.
• Plan the budget, discuss plans with co-hostesses.
• Look for a banquet room or restaurant, if it is to be held at one.

• Determine the theme.
• Make or purchase the invitations.
• Make sure you have enough serving pieces. Borrow or purchase whatever you are lacking.
• Make sure you have enough tables, chairs. Borrow or rent what you are lacking.

• Send out invitations.
• Plan the food for the party.
• Plan activities, games, and the prizes.

• Confirm any rental reservations.
• Confirm banquet room, party house, etc.
• Purchase decorations.
• Purchase gift for the bride.

• Check with all guests who have not responded.
• Make a list of all groceries needed. (You should know by this time how many will be attending.)

• Buy the groceries, except extreme perishables. (Some vegetables, fruits, fresh bread.)
• Order floral arrangements.
• Prepare any foods that can hold.
• Make sure your gift is wrapped.
• Wash and iron all linens.
• Clean all silver, etc.
• Collect all rented or borrowed items.

• Prepare as much of the food as possible.
• Clean house.
• Set up table, decorations.
• Set out games, activities.
• Set up chairs, tables if possible.

• Prepare the food that remains.
• Pick up flowers.
• Purchase any perishable foods.
• Make sure you have enough ice.
• Do any last-minute clean up.
• Have coffee maker filled, cold beverages iced.
• Set up a table for shower gifts.

• Be ready an hour ahead of time. (Especially if bride is arriving early.)
• Enjoy your party!

• DO plan ahead. Get invitations in the mail early.
• DO make lots of notes while planning the party.
• DO as much work before as possible. Have the party well-organized, the food prepared. That way the hostess can enjoy the party, too.
• DO check all equipment, chairs, etc. ahead of time. If you need to rent anything, give yourself plenty of time.
• DO try to invite guests who know others at the party. It will help the conversation run more smoothly.
• DO have the kind of party you enjoy best. Don't try to outdo yourself-you'll only end up tense, and perhaps disappointed.
• DO hang balloons outside the house to greet guests and tell everyone, "Here's the party."
• DO have a bag/basket ready for wrapping paper to either save or discard.
• DO ask someone not involved in the party to take photographs.
• DO plan seating to encourage conversation.
• DON'T surprise the bride unless you are absolutely certain she wants that.
• DON'T think that you have to invite every person who is invited to the wedding to a shower. Showers are usually reserved for the most intimate of the bride and groom¹s family, friends, etc.
• DON'T expect guests to balance their food and drinks on their laps. Try to provide some tables for eating.
• DON'T play games that are awkward or embarrassing.
• DON'T invite anyone to a shower who is not invited to the wedding, unless there are unusual circumstances.
• DON'T forget to have film in your camera!