Anyone who gives you a gift, or who does a special task for you should receive a note of thanks.

Who Writes the Notes?

Whoever the gift is given to should write the notes. In the case of a shower, where the gift is given to the bride-to-be, she should write and sign the notes. After the wedding, either the bride or groom can write the notes. You may want to sign both names to these thank yous.

Who Gets a Note?

Anyone who gives you a gift, or who does a special task for you. For example, thank you notes should be sent to all members of the wedding party, or whoever gives you a shower or party for you. Oral thank yous are not sufficient.

When Should They Be Written?

As soon as possible. Thank yous for shower gifts should be sent out before the wedding occurs, and wedding thank yous should be sent out before four weeks after the wedding.

What Should They Be Written On?

You can purchase blank notes with "Thank You" printed on the front at most stationery stores. These are traditionally used for shower gifts, or for smaller, less formal weddings. The more formal stationery is a 4" by 5" card with either your married name printed on the front, or with your new monogram. These can be ordered when you order your wedding invitations. (Also, they can be used for years after your wedding, not just for wedding thank yous!) These are usually printed on white or ivory stock. Keep in mind, you cannot use any stationery with your married name until after the wedding.

What About Pre-Printed Thank You Cards?

These are cards which have a verse of thanks pre-printed on the inside. You can get your name pre-printed on the inside as well, so all you need to do is address the notes. These are NOT considered proper. The gifts you were given had time and thought put into their selection. The giver deserves a personal note of thanks from the bride and groom.

How Should They Be Phrased?

The notes should be sent to the gift givers, or to the person who did something special for you. They should be written to "Dear" and then however the cards are signed. If you received a shower gift, and it was signed "Aunt Mary," even if it is your fiance's aunt, write the note to "Aunt Mary." If a group of co-workers have given you a gift, you may send one thank you to all, such as to "Dear Co-Workers." If your bridesmaids, or a couple of family members get together to give you a group gift, you should thank each one individually. You should start the notes by thanking them for attending the event where you received the gift. Next, you should mention the gift they gave you, how much you like it, and how you will be using it. Words you may want to use to describe it are "lovely," "useful," or "delightful." If it is a monetary gift, explain what you are planning to do with the money, in a polite way.

Here are some descriptive words to help you writing your notes:

• Attractive
• Special
• Perfect
• Superb
• Exquisite
• Much-Needed
• Generous
• Elegant
• Sparkling
• Charming
• Thoughtful
• Pretty
• Magnificent
• Stunning
• Handsome
• Beautiful

Make a final comment about your thanks, and then sign the card.

Some Examples

Here are a couple of samples to help you get started.

Shower gift thank you

Dear Aunt Mary,
Thank you for attending my shower. It was so nice to meet you. The toaster you gave me will make a wonderful new addition to our kitchen. Thank you so much. I'm looking forward to becoming one of your family!
Love, Sue

Wedding gift thank you

Dear Aunt Mary and Uncle John,
Thank you for being at our wedding. You helped make our day special! Thank you also for the generous gift (or check). We have been saving toward a living room set and, your gift puts us closer to that goal! We'd love to have you over soon to see it, and our new apartment. Thanks again!
Affectionately, Joe and Sue

How Will We Find the Time?

Don't let your thank yous pile up. Write shower gift thank yous as soon as possible. They should be done before you have to write wedding thank yous. You may try to set aside an hour a day to do this, perhaps your lunch hour. If you know you will have an overwhelming number to write, you may try pre-addressing the envelopes. You may want to do this at the same time you send the invitations to the shower, or to the wedding. (Don't put a stamp on until you are sending it, however.)

Helpful Hints

You will be receiving many gifts, and will not want to forget one person. While these hints will not help you actually write the thank yous, they will help you stay organized while you do!

• Buy a notebook and use the Guest and Gift Record provided by the Wedding Planner. Make sure you have one for each couple or family that will be involved in your wedding. You can also purchase an index card file box and index cards for the same purpose.
• At each shower or pre-wedding event where you receive presents, ask one of the hosts or hostesses to assist you in recording who has given you a gift, and what the gift is. This should be done on a sheet of paper. Also write what the gift is on the back of the card you receive with it. This way, you will have two ways to find out who gave you which gift.
• Write detailed descriptions of the gift on the card or on a list. That way you won't get confused between who gave you the blue towels and who gave you the red ones.
• Always tell the giver how nice their gift is, regard less of whether it shares your taste. You are showing your appreciation of the time and effort (and the cost) that went into selecting and purchasing the gift.
• Even if the gift is a duplicate, and you are planning to return it, don't mention that. Just thank them as you would if you were keeping it.
• Although writing the notes may become repetitious to you, the gift giver will only be receiving one. It is acceptable to phrase your thank yous in the same way to each gift giver, although you should make them as personalized as you can.

© Wedding Planner 2002